I never got around
Posted by jab at 09:05 PM on August 30, 2006.
... to finish that article a bout the Manila-Acapulco connection. It was corny anyway. So why bother. Get it? Corny?
In other news.
I've never felt this way before. It's a fire and ice type of thing. It's giddyness and anxiety all mixed, blended with whipped cream on top. Thankful with dashes of "wow" is what I feel about having Mads. We're on our official 15th month together. We have unoficially, been sharing each other with each other for over two years now.
Everything from here seems to have gone by so quickly. I now find myself scouring the free side of the internet for the music of before. Music that drove me to place, that put me in place and placed me in another plane of consciousness. Music that brings me to see what lies beyond my back when I see myself in the mirror.
Fire is for the excitement that I have for, well, oddly enough for now. This now that I have. I have with Mads. It's, well... beautifull.
Ice for the numbness that grows above my skin. Covering me. Numbing myself to the passing time, to the pain that crawls from the bowels of my being; out through my throaot, my ears, underneath my fingernails...that's how the agony of waiting leaves me. It leaves me daily. It has more... more is coming out. It's a river flowing from an endless mountain winter.
Should I feel that I am missing alot because I do not want to be here? Am I missing on the now for thinking too much of "what if..." "what could be..." My mind fleets through the pages of an unwritten book. It scans the horizon of an imagined plain.
I now grabe the knife with my bare hands still feeling the wounds it had created on my chest just a few seconds ago, i grab harder notwithstanding how the blade grinding through the bones on my fingers.
Haaay... Im homesick. Home but somehow sick of it...