October 9th, 2005

Friends around my age. We dont have anything else to tell each other. We find contentment in greeting each other "kumusta?", "anung balita?". We basically dont have anything new to tell. Some of us have the same jobs. Some of us are happy, some of us are not but are also not doing anything about it. Some of us are waiting for that big break, some of us are, well, making that big break.

A lull in life. This interesting poetic chaos called life. Bounded by words like paycheck, bills, commitment, reponsibility. Bounded my memories of childhood, high school, college and wreckless abandon with time. Bounded by hopes of making it big, getting lucky, of finally finding life or of ending life, perhaps.

We are somehow scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to doing something new. We have probably done most of the things we need to discover for life after adolescence.

We are somehow part of the crowd. We create the blurr in that sea of people. We are part of the system we would have cared less of when we were in college. We are small fish in the big big ocean.

We sometimes find solace in spending time with ourselves. Trying hard not to lose ourselves in the chaotic poetry we call life. We are afraid not to lose the memories of before. We find happiness in reminiscing "the good ol' days". But do we really find happiness in it? Or is it the bitterness of life that makes us want to escape back on the past which is by now deep in our memories.

We try to get it back. We scream to bring back the life before. We scream, and not even our own ears can hear our agony.

We try to lossen the grip that lief is having on us. We feel the squeeze getting tighter.

How do you escape? You cant. We all cant.

The best we can do is work hard our ass off while we are young and able. The best we can do is actually be thankful we have something. We have to be thankful we have a "so called life". Its better than the alternative.

I guess lets be thankful we have good memories to look back on. I guess we need to be happy we have regrets about the past, that means we have learned out lesson. We have to be thankful we have friends we can reminisce with. They maybe the same friends we will make dreams for the future with. To give meaning to the words sacrifice and hard work. There is nothing else to do...

The end of the day is what we all wish for. Once we have that end of day, we realize it would just mean we weill have to do it all over again when we wake up.