I cant remember the last New Year that I've had this much fun.

My mom was taking Tequila shots, my brothers were getting drunk, my littlse sister having tones of fun, I was on my fourth beer and several shots later of God knows what.

I thank God for giving me my family. I could not ask for anything else.

I thank god for gicing my everything and not giving me everything. I fear for what Ic ould be if it were not for what my life has become.

Thank You,

Happy 2005~

What's my next move?

I'm in that stage where I've been somewhere, I'm in some place, but I dont know where to go.

Im in a situation where I did something but Ic ant seem to know what I should do next.

What's my next move? Thoughts tumble down to oblivion

Check mate

Can I get your name?

Now, give me a job where you can actually ask for a cute girls name and actually have them smile when they give it?

Between the Chai Latte's and the Black Forrest Blendeds, working in a coffee shop is one the best experience (in terms of employment) yet. The atmosphere is that of the "cool" (now, Im being biased...) warmth and coziness....

Im a Barista - a Barista of the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf co. in Old town Pasadena... I'll make you your coffee any which way you like as long as it is within the bounds of known Law.

would you like some whip cream with that?

I think im on the starting grid. Im rearing to go and yet I keep on looking back... I stare at the rearview mirror and keep in checking. Did I forget anything? Did I miss anything? Anxiety eats me slowly...

What's next?

I need to let go... I mean, there are only a few metaphysical things that makes me wanna stop and turn. Just a few.
Maybe this coming week will help me figure things out.

The past few days I learned that even spare tires should be perfect. You can't just replace your original tires and rims with just any spare rim/tire combo... It needsm to fit so it will run smoothly.

I was working the Hotbar at work and did five different coffees at the same time. Macchiattos, Latte's, Hot Chocolate (which is a favorite because of teh LA weather) and a lot of different other stuff.

Alvaro, my future Boss is Italian by birth but grew up in south america. By monday, when I go to the office, he said that we will work on my business card. I am really optimistic about this job, but my Mom is not. She wants me to get a regular job that will pay a fixed amount. Well, her I am again, risking stuff... I need to get accounts going and do the marketing. Hopefully I wont do alot of the designing... Im still no sure about my graphic design skills.

Anyhow. Yo will be going back to New Mexico by monday morning. It will be months before I see him again. With the grace of God, we will be able to go through this thing and plateu our life...

Its been raining so much. People say this has been the worst in more than a decade, if not the worst.
It is slow, but continues. It pours relentlessly without pause. The ground is so soaked, craters appear from the soft earth under the pavement. La has become a marshmallow dipped in chocolate... something like that.

At work, I heard this song from Tonic... its amzingly romantic (see. Iris, I'll be type of songs) but this one never really got pounded on by being a famous one or a so called - gasgas.

Coffee bean has been sooo slow... The boring work environment is far from the artificial internal-personal chaos that one feels when on the Tower of Terror at the california adventure.

For the next few months, this house will be quiet. Yo is back in alamagordo, say that fast five times, at Holloman Airf Force Base, say that...naaa..nevermind. Li is in school, so is alyssa... Ako, I dont know. It sucks...

God, give it to me...please

I worked at Coffee Bean for 8 hours today...

My longest shift so far. (to think it wasnt my shift to start off with - it was Amandas shift, morning sunshine as we'd like to call her. She's this little white girl who is always in high spirits and is energetic and "fun" oooh!)

8 -hours of brewing coffee

8- hours of Pulling espresso

8-hours of punching orders

8-hours of punching coffee bean pink cards

8-hours of steeping tea

8-hours of blending drinks

8- hours of "Hi"
"can I get you anything else?/would that be all for you?/ How bout some pasties?/ would you like to try our Danish?/Bagels?/Sandwiches?"
"For here or to go?"
"Do you have a pink card?/would you like to start one?"

It was great... I mean, I learned alot again..did some booboos, but according to Max, the general Manager - I picked up surprisingly fast for a rookie.

I woke up at 9:45 -took a shower, dressed up, walked to work (15-20 mins), while walking payed my telephone and credit card bills over the phone and got to coffee bean at 10:30.

by 1:30 pm I was on my ten, my ten minute break eating a cream cheese bagel ang my own concoction of Caramel Mocha Latte with soy and whip cream. I was expecting to be counting the money in my register by 3:30 coz thats what my schedule says (amandas schedule). Christian came in and Max left...

No one came in for work after that till 6pm...

6:30 I was out of there. 8 hours - it was fun. But, when the sun came out after almost 2 weeks of hiding - I had to be stuck in the shop.

There were these two nice looking japanese ladies who went by. One is Moon and the other is Hong. I'll try to forget their names when I see them again.

Tomorrows another day. Hope to get things going with my third job by the end of the week.

A friend of mine is pregnant again. Last time she was pregnant was Freshamn year. I would sit beside her and wait for little Kiesha (who was still inside back then) to move...Then Id run to buy Sel a Chocolate drink kasi naglilihi... turned out, her daughter was as white as milk. Im happy for her. Way to go Mommy Sel! Congrats! Sure! I'll be the Ninong.

Here's a list of my "id like to"'s from when I was small up to now...

Be a waiter (server) - *
Be a Policeman - ?
Climb a mountain - *******
Be a lifeguard (baywatch) - ****
Be a Photographer - *
Be on TV - *
Be a reporter - ?
Be a Lawyer - ?
Be an Actor - ****
Be a spy - ?
Meet presidents - *
Be a geologist - ?
Be a meteorologist - ?
Be with NAtional Geographic - ?
Join Takeshi's Castle (and win) - ?
Submit a video to Americas Funiest - ?
Snorkle - *
Capture an anaconda in the wild - ?
Wrangle an alligator - ?
Capture a pit viper - ?
Spend a night in the jungle - *********
Travel to europe - ?
Travel to Africa - ?
See the Serengeti, the Masai Mara and Kilimajaro - ???
Go to India, Madagascar, Hawaii, Japan, China - ????
Live in New york - *
LA - *
Chicago - ?
Go to the North Pole - ?
Climb Everest-?
Go fishing - *
Ride a horse - ****
own a beach house - ?
be a beachbum - *
be a surfer - ?
Fly a Helicopter - ?
Sky dive- ?
Fly a plane - ?
Have kids - ?
Adopt - ?
Have my own car - *
One night stand -

and the lsit goes on... just had to end with a punch.
The list was in no particular order - especially in not in chronoligical order...

*-Ive done it
?-No, not yet, though plans are on the way

whats your I'd like to?

After several weeks, here is the continuation of my short story - for those who have just started reading - this is the 5th part. You might want to back track to get started. For those who have been waiting - Nins from Italy and Jas from LB - thanx.-


cont.

At the dormitory’s lobby, Ferdy showed his pictures. He was trying to explain to her the actual color of the places and things that he took the picture of, as opposed to the black and white color of the photos. She asked how New York was like. She said she always wanted to see New York City.

The next day Ferdy enjoyed telling the class of his experience in taking the pictures of the buildings of Manhattan, New York city and the Beaches of California. Rose could only stare and smile inside while Ferdy was talking. He saw her writing something at the back of one of the pictures and smiled at him when he caught her. He continued on with his report.
Months passed. Rose and Ferdy would only talk when they are sitting beside each other in class.

Every Monday at 5:30 in the afternoon, Ferdy would be sitting on the last bench in the middle of the building. As the Angelus came to a close, right before the mass started, he would see Rose just coming in through the gate of the chapel. He would turn his head to his right to see her walk towards where he is sitting. For the next few weeks, they would enjoy each other’s company while attending mass.

One afternoon in class, while they where critiquing the renaissance, a student came banging on the door and was shouting “The Japs! Their Bombing Manila!” The classes in the building soon turned into chaos. Everyone was yelling. They didn’t know what to do. Rose panicked and began crying. She ran to Ferdy who was peeking by the window.

“Ferdy I’m scared.” Ferdy went closer to her and wrapped his arms around her to try to comfort her. They ran to her dormitory and packed whatever things they could. She was still crying. She was thinking of her parents, and her brothers.

They both boarded a jeep to town. They went to his great aunt who had a house near the Cathedral. “You will be safe here, Lola Delang knows what to do. Tell your friends to stay here too. You will all be safe here.” Ferds told Rose. “Lola, take care of them, I’m reporting to the Army base” he followed. “The base?” asked Rose while crying. Ferdy ran without saying a word.

- to be continued

I fanally have my first account!

...Client in other terms...

I was at Nanay Glorias, a local Filipino fastfood restaurant and offered them my services. They were interested and I will meet with them to discuss the designs on how we will create their backlit over the counter display. Cool...


I wanna pass by Coffee Bean... I wanna smell coffee before I sleep.

hmmmmm - - can you smell it?

A year passed and then another and then another, the bombings stopped and Manila was reclaimed. Ferdy went on to stay with his parents for a year in the states after he filed his early retirement from the Army.
He came back to Manila to check on his relatives and land. He stayed for several days in Manila and traveled to the province to go check on his Lola Delang.

The entrance to the house of Lola Delang reminded him of his last time he was there. He was running from the gate and on the other side was a young girl named Rose.

“Lola, what happened to Rose?”

“Your Girlfriend?” Lola Delang asked while smiling.

“She was fetched by her parents after a week and said they were going to their relatives deep in the south.”


Later that day, he found himself walking around a familiar place he once called his school. Some buildings were decimated from the bombings. Beneath the impending rain clouds, the students were slowly going back to school. He did not have plans of going back to school as far as he knows. He was to go back to California and work with his Father’s company there.

On a jeep to town, after paying the fare, a girl seated across Ferdy, with her books clasped on her hands across her chest was looking at Ferdy with tears on her cheeks. His heart raised and he could not believe his eyes. Rose, just the way he first saw her and just the way he left her.

“Dorm?” asked the driver. His voice broke the almost trance state of the two.

They went down the jeep and the only thing that they could do was stare at each other in disbelief in front of the dormitory building.

“Ferdy…”

were the words that escaped her mouth. Almost trembling deep inside, Ferdy wanted to lunge forward and wrap his arms around her.

“You left me just like that Ferdy! Damn you…”

Ferdy couldn’t say anything and he tried to hold back the tears. When she tried to hit him, Ferdy caught her by the wrist.

On her clenched hands was a wedding ring on one of her fingers. Then he let go of her. Tears then flowed down from Rose’s eyes then she ran to her dorm.

- to be concluded

I want someone who would serenade me when I sleep. Who would draw my dark face.
I want someone who would fill her personal pages with my name and draw hearts around it.
I want someone who would wear a skirt and walk barefoot on the sand with me, who would hold my hands while I drive.
I want someone who will take pictures of me when Im not looking, someone who would tell me a thing or two about history.
I want someone who I can play staring games with, who would fix my colar when its not in place. Someone who will tie my necktie and make my coffee. I want someone who can run with me in the morning and watch late night movies with me at night.
I want somoeone who will laugh at me when I look stupid and would laugh with me...would laugh with me.
I want someone who would ask me to drink and relax and someone would tell me to stop, and relax...
I want someone who would ride on my back and whisper sweet nothings when her arms are around me. Someone who would place her tiny fragile hand on my rough dry palm. I want someone who would make me want to write poems, songs and narratives.
I want someone who I can sleep with the whole sunday afternoon, who I could sit and read with on the deck. I want someone who would hand me my hammer and mix the paint when we make that first Baby crib.
I want someone who I can stare at in the morning and know that this sleeping face in front of me is the most beautifull creature that my eyes can ever look at.
I want someone who I can discuss a movie, a book, a conspiracy or music with.
I want someone who will roll down the car window with me and shout... and laugh... and hold hands with...
Someone who would make this damned heart worth beating - this doomed soul worth having...

Jab: is it the person that deifnes life?
Jab: or life that defines teh person?
madel : person defines life
madel : its how u make the most out of it
Jab: free will?
Jab: what about destiny?
Jab: hahaha
Jab: eto na naman tong bilog na usapan
madel : lolz
Jab: kahit saan hawakan
Jab: walang nakakalamang
madel : destiny
madel : i dnt know
Jab: heres a test
madel : pero i believe sa serendipity
Jab: between destiny and freewill
madel : it happens all the time
Jab: heres a test
Jab: between destiny and freewill
madel : half way
Jab: say there are two guys
madel : www.yahoo-tv.tk
Jab: they noth have destinies
Jab: and free will
Jab: one decides to live his whole life locked in his room
Jab: the other
Jab: goes out and explores the world
madel : kot ako
madel : huh?
Jab: so
Jab: was it there destiny or freewill?
Jab: in the beginning
Jab: they chose
madel : i think that case goes half way
Jab: the end that they met was their destiny
madel : between destiny and freewill
Jab: I think you are right
Jab: pero Id like to put it this way
Jab: Distiny is defined by the use of free will
madel : maybe
Jab: one needs to chose, make a move for destiny to be possible
Jab: one wont work without the other
madel : never looked at it that way
madel : pero pwede...
Jab: pwede na ba akong pastor?
madel : uh humanities teacher
madel : lolz
Jab: "ok my dear congregation...our word for this sunday is destiny vs. free will"
madel : tinggin ko kasi before hand dapat may purpose
Jab: pero same thign applies
Jab: purpose
Jab: wont be purpose
Jab: unless one chooses
madel : to figure out a persons destiny
madel : kasi dna when u say destiny
Jab: if a person chooses to stay locked in a room
Jab: would that be his purpose?
madel : parang destined ... for what?
Jab: of course...
Jab: purpose is something one wont ever know
Jab: even if that person is already dead
madel : so before destiny there purpose of what that person will be
Jab: pero destiny
madel : parang prima causa
Jab: once can accept that a person who died a useless bastarrd
Jab: thats his destiny
Jab: if a person died a useless bastard
madel : nope thats his choice
Jab: would that be his purpose?
Jab: purpose is effect on another entity
Jab: you cannot be a purpose for yourself
Jab: it wouldnt work
madel : purpose is something we serve
madel : core of existence
Jab: exactly
Jab: pero
Jab: destiny
madel : parang bakit nga ba
Jab: it does not see another entity
Jab: destiny
Jab: only affects the one who chooses
Jab: unlike purpose
madel : whats with destiny and choice if wala kang purpose in life
Jab: it can only be purpose kung meron maaapektohan
madel : parang passing ka ang
Jab: lahat naman tayo passing lang eh
Jab: we can never even know of our existence would have made a difference or not
madel : nde tingin ko kasi purpose is something unique yung parang seo tlga
madel : passing pero may mark taung lahat
Jab: in a parallel universe pwede i prove
Jab: pero
madel : this is a parallel universe...
Jab: we keep on comparing the cuase and effect with another choice in the same timeframe
Jab: when we all live in a sinle timeframe thats continues
madel : situation ba?
Jab: socrates and buhay
Jab: battling it
Jab: hehehe
madel : life is a blink between 2 enternities
madel : then at the end you'd say 'so this is who i am'
Jab: kung hindi mo ako nakilala...is there a way you could say life would have been different?
madel : well...
Jab: you can never tell
Jab: you can imagine
madel : personal yan
Jab: hehe
Jab: walang biased
madel : na tanong or philosophical?
Jab: philosophical
Jab: pero gets mo?
Jab: our imagination tells us that we could have dones something else
madel : wait isip ako
Jab: by comparing something that happened to something that did not happen in that same timeframe
Jab: parang
Jab: "what if?"
madel : lets put it this way...
madel : everything happens for a reason
madel : thaat everything serves a higher purpose
Jab: all things are connected
Jab: linked
madel : not everything was fathomed in this lifetime
Jab: life is an attempt at understanding it
Jab: no more
Jab: no less
Jab: quote me on that
madel : too short too little time too much to do...
madel : life is a beautiful melody no matter hot mesed up lyrics may become
Jab: hey
madel : life is beautiful
Jab: kung whappak na ang araw mo
Jab: one only needs to chose to smile at the of the day
madel : (i love that film)
madel : lolz

I think Im clinically depressed.

I think I have crossed into the realm of the subnormal world.

Ive professed before that Im crazy. Friends have branded me Psycho. They based this on my mountaineering skills of course. But it has never occured to me that I might find myself questioning my own sanity.

At work, there was this guy who was ordering the flavored "viennese" brew.

He goes:
"Hi, can I have a regular Vaness?"

Vanness? F4 ba ito? paksyet kang puti ka...

-huwaaat? Amerkano ka ba? If I didnt have my inate acting skills, I would have laughed out loud right then and there and would have lost my job the next day.

I would like to tell everyone that I am clinically depressed. See the outpouring or creative juices? Thats due to sadness - sadness, such a weak word.

I have a 3rd job now. Its a 9-5 office job. Damn, Im part of the system I have scaldingly tried to resist. Im now a Yucky yuppie-a regular 9-5, a barista and a raket. Whats next? Gym?

“Did you keep in touch with her Lolo?” asked Cheska.

“Through Zhaw. That bastard eventually joined the Fraternity Rose’s husband was in. He kept me informed on how she was doing. He would sometimes be our delivery boy for our letters and once when I sent her an LP of Ella Fitzgerald’s album. I forgot how we lost contact. Maybe it was after she finished her degree. I forgot”.


“It’s a crazy thing, that love,” Lolo Dad said with a huge breath. “I know…” said Cheska. By then it was getting colder so they went inside.

Inside, Lolo Dad was already dialing the phone number of his son in Manila. Cheska went towards the fireplace where pictures are placed on top of it. A black and white picture of the Brooklyn Bridge caught her attention. It was beside the pictures of Lolo Dad in the Army and beside a long board for surfing. She took the whole picture frame. She opened its back and saw a fading inscription on the back.

“Ferdy, promise me that you would give me a tour of New York in the Future. Promise me this so that there will be a next time. See you at mass again… Rose”.

Cheska placed the picture frame where she found it. Lolo Dad then called her so that she could talk to her Dad on the phone.

While walking up the stairs to their rooms with her rose in hand, Cheska asked.

“Lolo Dad, did Lola Mum know about Rose?” asked Cheska.

“I told her my love story that’s why she fell in love with me…” said Lolo Dad with a wink, tears almost flooding the floor of his eyes.

Cheska smiled and said “Goodnight Lolo Dad, thank you…”


~THE END~


Finally, a conclusion. This is the last installment of my short story. Thank you for following the story. I do hope you guys wont stop visiting my site. Jei, salamat at wala kang EQ, napost ko din. hhehe and thanks sa pics. Hope the end satisfies the body. To Ms Lalie Bucoy, salamat. My classmate in ENG 106 - salamat din po.

Late last year a series of typhoons ravaged the Philippines. The hardest hit was Quezon.
The coastline was gone, last I heard. The talipapa that sells hotdogs by the foot and 5 lobsters for 100 pesos (they can cook it too!) and the peaceful campsite that cradles adventurers and weekend warriors, according to beachbum friends was wiped out of the map.

This is a pic of our Tennis class when we reached the waterfalls 30 minutes form the beach.

Real was the place. Real is now the Unreal.

The media lost its attention due to FPJs death. Yet, our kababayans from Quezon strived and is still striving hard to make life as normal as porrible using the time and tested formula of Filipinoes when dealing with problems. Smiling.

I suddenly remembered the lambanog. Coconut lambanog naturally fermented without chemicals.

Jun, Carla, Ayuk, Belle and I spent an overnight there several months ago.

Carla was still sexy then, Belle hadn't had enough sleepas usual, Jun was still inlove with Miko, I was not single then.

"Kayo nalang, nag Falls inlove na ako dito kay Miko..."Junbads. after we invited him to join us to go to the waterfalls.

"aack!" Jab - when a palm tree leaf hit jabs face while riding the bubong of the jeepney they flagged down to go back to the beach

"Jun, jun... si ayuk mapapaaway...'" Jab while grabbing Juns face while jun was half conscous lying inside the tent. They were both drunk after consuming gallons of alcohol. This is quite funnier when said live.

"Hahahahaha..." Mabel-having fun

"ahhh, araw..."Carla, after the rain.

The weekend is about to come to a close. The past few days, I've been finding myself chatting with Jessica David.
We never really hitnit off as close friends, we were, well, cast mates in the now defunct and only a memory but a legacy Antigone production.
She knows alot about me to my surprise. She is smart as she is charming.
Rain is back here in LA. I dont know if I miss the rain. The rain sucks here...

Back in LB, I love it when I get caught in the rain. I start walking slower. I love the rain. But not the rain here in LA - its different. Its not - well, home.

After the rain, people find themselves palying Patintero with the puddles and debris on the road. Its cooler and, more fresh. Specially when the rain is followed by rays of sunshine streaming in from the opennings on the clouds.

The rain back home is more romanitic. The rain back home is just cold enough to be able to cuddle with someone in a low lit room in front of the TV. Its just right and makes you want to order hot chocolate at mcdo and watch the water run down the wide window panes. The rain back home makes you want to share an umbrella with a friend or a crush.

Well, the rains over now. The sun is shinning again.

I dont like the sun here... its sucks.

I was under the impression that when your math teachers says

"Math is life, its part of life, its part of your future and you dont have a choice but to learn and master it..."

that its just a ploy to make you "study" math...


I hate it when my math teacher is right.

I dont realy hate math, just algebra. Something about the highschool pas made me ill equipped to tackle theorems and explore expressions.

Saturday, at work, when I was feeling confident that I was doing a hell fo a job by having had organized the samples, finished the filing and started working with the database for shipment, I suddenly found myself smiling and smirking while in the meeting.

The Bosses explained to us the marketting and sales part of the job. They explained to us the different parts of the company and how to sell what product.

Later on, they went on to explain how to give quotations for prospective clients.

Thats when the nightmare began.

"OK, what if a costumer asks you for an 8x11 ft sisal with blind stitch tan border. How will you calculate?"

Calculate? huh? I need to do that? manually? Dont we have like a program for this? cant I just enter the fields and wait for the answer?

My Boss went on saying:

"Ok, the costumer wants it in feet but our prices are in square yards... What the answer jab?"

They're looking at me, waiting for the answer. Hell, I was smart, I was sharp while at work... but please, dont look at me the way my math teachers have looked at me before.

Oh no, nostalgia, regression. Im feeling it again. That feelking where your math teacher is waiting for the answer, his arms crossed and his fingers tapping. The room silent.

Back to work.

"Its simple!" says Moe.

"Get the measurement, multiply it by 9 to then divide it then turn in into feet and to the price of the material."

"Now, lets calculate for the border"

Huwaaat? oh no...

Anyways, it wasnt so bad. I learned it. Just need to program Excel and do it from there.

I hate this. I cant escape it. Oh well...lets do it.