After two plane rides, I'm back on the West coast...should this excite me? I dont know...
New York was fun... it really is New York Fucking city

I wish I could go back to bask under the sun in batangas.
Spend a chilly and windy night in one of the mountains of batangas.
Get to have a drink or two or three or four or more sa cafe...

Ho hummm...

Oh well... its time to look for a job!

Hi Guys, kumusta na kayo? I hope you guys will do better this sem than last sem. I know it hasn't been a walk in the park, pero, whoever said it will be in the first place right?

This has been our first year. In our future anniversary celebrations ang sasabihin nalang natin ay "another year..." this is the only time we will cherish having the first anniversary and say "wow, one year na tayo". Guys, you, among others should know what this means. In most organizations, the only way to know if the org will stand the test of time is to make it stand the test of time. How long? 8 years... If the org will have celebreated its 8th year anniversary after its conception, the org will most likely stay for another 8 to 10 years. Kaya ba natin to? Well, except for Toni, who will most likely still be here after 8 years, most of us will most probably have graduated, been expelled, got married, became dadies, became momies, became bums and most certainly part of the alumni. Has anyone been thinking that far in the future? If you answer is no, you should start doing so.

Your life in an organization is so brief that you will find yourself regretting the time when you should have been more active the org.. when will be this time? When you're already out of the system. When you've already graduated-pag part ka na ng alumni. So guys, ngayon palang, think of ways to help the organization so that in the future, you efforts will be something you'll be proud of. Think of something you can do with the org so that your achievements and contributions will be thing of legend. Will be thing that the future members 50 years from now with 10,000 members will say "wow, ang gagaling nila nung unang panahon no?"

Its not getting youself immortalized in stone or making a name for yourself, dont get me wrong! It's about saying na in the future you know na you have contributed to how the org is right now. Na hindi kayo sabit lang sa success and failure ng org..

Ano ba talaga ang gusto natin mangyari? Gusto ba natin maghirap para sa org na to? gusto ba nating sumakit ang ulo natin sa mga problema ng org? gusto ba natin ubusin ang laway, luha at dugo natin para lang magawa ang mga gustong gawin ng PhotoS? para lang magawa natin ang mga dapat gawin ng PhotoS? Kung "hindi" ang sagot nyo, Im sorry pero gusto nyo lang sumabit sa pangalan ng org na to...

We must all bleed for the org. It is like giving a piece of yourself to it, selflessly. Not because we need to, but because we want to. Find happines in making a difference, if not happiness, at least find contentment.

Kung ano man ang level of participation nyo sa org, it is all because you chose to be where you are right now - as a sleepless officer thinking of projects for the org or the execom that always thinks of the "sayang, we could have done this..." ot the one who does not attend activities pero like showing off the handshake to his friends pag nasa hum. or the one who only attends the meetings to impress people. Kung nasan ka man ngayon sa org it is all because of your choosing.

Same goes with us all. Kung nasan man tayo ngayon, it is all because of the decisions we made as members- decisions made with the org and personal decisions as well. Yes, even the decision of having a girlfriend or boyfriend, or of joining another org., or of goind abroad has its implications on us all.

So having said that. I would like to congratulate everyone for a job well done. Everyone needs a pat on the back - which reminds me of the time when I hit the guys so hard on the chest pag meetings or how I try to squeeze myself with the girls para maka upo...

Let us all congratulate one another for a job well done. More than any of us could have expected dba? Sensya na kung ngayon lang tong message ko, now...lets go back to business...

Godspeed, work hard, play hard...
Malungkot ako dito, sendan nyo lang ako ng message

Always,
Kuya Jab

My first job interview... well, yeah, Coffee bean and tea leaf called me the other day and scheduled it...

Kanina, sa interview... it turned out na Filipino yung mag iinterview sakin... And guess what... Atenista...been staying here for almost 2 years.

Di sya nagtagalog, di ako nagtagalog...

"wow, UP"... tapos he interviewed me na... haha

I can still feel it. ang atenista talaga

I was sitting and waiting inside the DMV this morning when a young woman, tall, long black hair, slim waked passed in front of me. She stood in line and a name struck me suddenly... Siday

Well, i seddenly felt a longing for this sweet, cuddly and sensible soul hiding under a cold stark look and the thinking efficiency of a robot.

I have spent so many moments with her for me to say that She knows me inside out. We are not the type to dwell on each others past or history, rather, we get to know each other with what we can offer and show today... I think she would agree when I say that people are not judged by their past rather people can anly be judhged in the end.

Siday, the ever objective thinker can also be the sympathetic friend. We have had arguments on so many things from the little itty bitty things to huge mind boggling stuff...

Sinsible, I said she was sensible... She is also sensetive.

A big crush: thats what I have for her... And Im sure any guy who does get to meet her would have the same thing. Unless he's overly egocentric that he does not appreciate a smart and independent gal...

Jose Mari Chan's song from his classic christmas album - Lola loved that album...

Last night, we went to buy a christmas tree! yes, a fresh one... After about an hour of searching in the woods - hinde joke lang. After an hour looking at teh trees displayed in front of Home Depot, we finally decided on one. It kinda looked alot like the other trees but my mom and brother had to debate about alot of stuff like the mess it will make, the height, the concentration and lack of, of the branches on the sides. Trees were lying down everywhere, but it was the first time I really was able to smell the real tree scent. The smell of pine... the smell of christmas?

A little history:

1000 years ago, the Catholic Saint Boniface, who was responsible for making catholics out of the Germans and much of modern Europe saw a group of "pagans" worshipping an oak tree. Insulted, he had the tree cut down. To his amazement, a tree sprouted out of the cut tree, a fir tree (simalar to our modern christmas tree). He saw this as a sign for christianity.

Of course this story I doubt alot. Boniface only used christianity to further his empire. He used the the religion (catholicism to be more detailed) to strengthen and increase the number of HIS followers. He was the original "Political church". There is more to this shaky foundation of Catholism which I have yet to understand.

"Legend has it that Martin Luther began the tradition of decorating trees to celebrate Christmas. One crisp Christmas Eve, about the year 1500, he was walking through snow-covered woods and was struck by the beauty of a group of small evergreens. Their branches, dusted with snow, shimmered in the moonlight. When he got home, he set up a little fir tree indoors so he could share this story with his children. He decorated it with candles, which he lighted in honor of Christ's birth."

-http://www.christmas-tree.com/where.html

If one would trace it, the Christmas tree does not really have anything to do with christmas-it has something to do with the winter solstice. A time when people are stuck in the dead of winter as if everything is dead. Germans and Scandinavians in turn brought evergreen trees (ones that look like our modern christmas trees)inside their homes in hopes of the coming spring...

ok, too much info huh? very very jab some of my friends would say...

Unfortunately for me, I have not felt christmas yet... nope, not yet. I am, though, hopeful. Even when we were decorating the fresh tree last night, there was not but a tinge of the spirit within me.

AFter getting the tree on top of the van, we had to drive through the freeway, pick docning up and bring her home to glendale and drive back to Pasadena, we had jokes like "pagdating sa bahay wala nang dahan, pagdating sa bahay wala nang amoy"...

The leaves are still there. I just cant smell the tree anymore...

We were all idealistic once. We all thought we would always go against the flow. We all though we can be different. We once thought we were invincible to the system that is corrupting our present-that is corrupting our society. We though we can fight "our way" through it. We thought too much...

My brother in the air force, in one of our chit-chats told me that I have finally succumbed to the system which has made us escapists once. He was somewhat sarcastically bothered by my being a statistic.

I will be working for coffee bean - a coffee shop. A yuppies dream sideline - to be a barista. Soon, according to my plans, I will get a regular jab with this sideline. Truely a shape of a yuppie is forming. I will soon be free from the meniacal straints of the academe-though its lure I can still see in my periphery.

Last weekend I recieved my very first Credit card...my own credit card. This is that start of my indebted life-although it has started way before this innocently looking plastic has come knocking on my door. This is a good thing though, if I keep it as a good thing. Pay it on time, not go over the limit, and, not treat it as my bestfriend. In time, if I play my cards right, I will have buying power and finally see my dreams take shape-the materialistic type of dreams...

I do not feel that I have lost my identity by "giving in" to the system which I have fought so hard during my college days. I do not feel that I have transformed. Deep within my conscience, behind the mature-harrassesd appearance-I still feel like the little boy rearing to spend time with friends.

I feel the pressures of life and feel it strain. But I think this strain is due to the fact that I see the pressures as problems to be avoided, problems that I think I dont deserve. But, is this really ther case? We go to college-exams, papers, projects and inconsiderate math teachers are but a part of it. Do we really not deserve those ghastly things? I think we do. It's part of it. How would we handle it? It's up to us. How would we see it? Yup, you guessed it - up to us. But personally I'd rather rant for the first five minutes, which is natural and then start to see the better side of things. Why should I waste emotions on things which will not be solved by crying, ranting, complaining and those other senseless thhings?

The system which is now absorbing my generation is not absorbing us to become like those in it. It is absorbing new minds, new ideas, new vigor and spirit. The system is ever changing, dynamic. The system will not change us. There will be no fighting "our way" through it. The system will not change us, the unique individuals, we the generation of unique individuals will change the system.

If I were to trace back the time when this girl an I first connected, it was when her big brothers (my classmate) knuckle connected to my jaw when we were in second grade on the schoolbus on the way home. I tried to sustain my crying till I got home so that my Lola will see it and get mad at the people at the bus. That weekend, my Dad went to Ronalds house and talked to his Dad... hehe i was a wimp... Well, Weng, the spark of Jab's real love life. Before her, I pined for one girl-Fatima Rose R. Arambulo-we'll get to her soon. Weng was taller than normal girls. She was very active too! smart and sometimes recluse-she would most of the time spend time with her berks... BArkada, pose', grupo, peeps, hommies-got it? good. I dont know how it started-we were close friends. Our group was the A list of school, the VIPs. I was the president of the student council, she was my vice. Actually, the wholse barkada was in the coucil... we were invincible. Legends. Now we're just a bunch of Kinky Monkeys. We were both Varsity players. She was the lead majorette of the school band and I was the instructor-of the school band. We ended up spending alot of time together. She had a boyfriend then, uso kasi sa school-thanx to Cats. They broke up before their first month. The guys name is Joseph Mauricio. A drop out/kick out/transferee student from ateneo who kept talking in english, to his demise of course. Soon, he showed that he had brains and people started befriending him, to his demise yet again. But, he had no choice, so did we. We were fitted against each other. Both good talkers, both smart, both knew how to write both were friendly both were tall, dark and, did I say friendly. I enjoyed talking to him he made sense, more than my other classmates. But, as you know...where you find compatibility there is competition. Anwyays, back to Weng... She then became my first Girlfriend. We were, for several days already, (this is a flashback by the way) spending our late afternoons together as the last two students in school. I stayed with her till her schoolbus arrived. We were sitting on the swing. Her head resting on my arms. We would litterally wait for the first stars to come out. Romantic huh? One day, when we heard the Ford Fiera of a school bus come rolling down the street, I suddenly felt her lips land on my left cheek! yeah, she kissed me... My first kiss...whoohehehe I was smiling till I woke up the next morning. I couldnt get her to talk to me, her posse was in the way... that afternoon, we were back to where we were the day before. It happened again, the star, the swing the smack... I did something that I cannot forget till today. I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back kissing her on her lips. We smiled then she went... We were The Couple in High school. Teachers would catch us making out in vacant classrooms, uso kasi eh, thanx to Cats. It was great! It was fun, unforgettable. Our barkada, Nikki and John, Don Marc and Dennisee -all made out in one room once... in my room. Its a funny thing, Im already ready to laugh right now. And there was Mox and Ramil, Stephen and Janice, Anthony and Odonyo, Omar and Ms Bollena, or was it our Filipino teacher? Then there was Mam Trembs and Ms Oliva, Ms Oliva and this guy, Juts Turaray and, what her name? oh well, the teacher caught up on our act and started partnerring themselves back to weng-she just lets the memories branch out huh? There was a falling out with me and Weng. She was 14, I was 15. She was an incoming 3rd year, I was an incomming 4th year. she was transferring to St. Scho. That year, my friends and I decided to crash St.Schos dance... I saw her there. hehe It was in college when I saw her next. the barkada decided to go swimming sa kingsville clubhouse. After that, we kinda kept in touchn coz she would go to Baguio for college. When her Dad died I saw her at the wake. I was there because of her Dad, and secondly because the funaral place was the same place where my friends brother was at that time. Oh, and there was Baguio. Who could forget Baguio right weng? wink wink...hehe yeah, We had a "date" with her... hahaha Baguio...wohhhohahahaha ehem We were in love that time(high school). I certainly know I was. I still love her for who she is till now. I know I will spend fun times with her as like before. She a great gal. Sweet, smart, athletic, funny, fun and exciting.

If one were to ask me how and why Cathy became my friend, Im sure I'll point to me brother. They were the kids down the hall two rooms from us. They Shtank of odor (mixture of crayola, paste, pad paper and sweat), the smell of elementray school. Im sure our classroom shtank almost if not as pungent as theirs, but we didnt notice it.

Reminsicing would be best done with Cathy by your side. There is nothing more unforgettable than that crossing over from the noisy elementray students to post puberty. Ater high school, when one starts to experience regression one would just say "I want to forget about that".

She was my brothers bestfriend back in the day. During that time, we never really were close... Well, until a good friend of mine named Don Marc Taluban decided to enjoy staying in my room with-well, lets just leave it at that.

"Quit playing games with my heart", "My boo", "Ode to my family" and who can forget "the chicken dance"? I do hope memories came flashing in your mind, came rushing in like a landslide. Here's more-student council, DLC, Volleyball, Camping sa school, Manong Dario, 21... All those things-those things are memories only a few cherish. Only a few understand. If you're not getting it, then you're not part of it. If you're smiling by now, then welcome to the club.

I was probably in college and she was just about to finish high school when Cathy and I started talking about simple matters other than other people. We started talking about personal things that only revolved in our own cerebral cortexes. She understood me and I understood her. She gave me advice and I listened. She would whack my head when -well, there I go again, being careless with my heart.

She was always there when you needed here, and even when you dont. She had smiles to give away and wouldnt mind shedding a drop or two of tear with you.

She is strong, independent and intelligent. She's level headed and sometimes a scream in the night-unexpected. Under the poise of the modern woman is a young pre-adolescent ready to explore, ready to lay back, ready to shout while in a running car with her friends. That was how we left her, that is how we know her. Through thick and thin, even if its thousands of miles away, even if the line into adulthood is way behind us (compared to mine, they can still see theirs) I am confident that the next time we meet, it will be as if last time was just this morning.

Of Truth and Tears

[this will be the first of several parts of my own short story. Disect, comment, react in aghast... Our guest critique during our workshop, who is also a Palanca awardee, commented on it saying "whoever wrote this has the purest intentions", "Pang hollywood ang setting" ... When He saw that it was me who wrote it, "ah ikaw ba?". My Instructor, also a palanca recipient herself said that it is ironic that out of the 30 students with 4 guys, 2 of whom are gay, "Si jab pa ang nakasulat ng ganito" (mushy shit). To those who have already read this, salamat, it will be published soon, ala youngblood. To those who will have a glimpse at this thing called jab's writing, enjoy.]

1-
“Maybe she’s his cousin…” Said Nikki.

They stood from the bench where they were sitting and tried to get a closer look. The three young ladies were intent on knowing who Marc was with.

“Shit Ches, I think Marc has a new girlfriend…” Cathy followed as she saw Cheska’s facial expression change. Her giddy aura turned into a dark gloom.

“I think I know her… that’s my schoolmate. Uhm… Tan, that’s her last name…” Nikki said. Then she looked at Cheska and Cathy.

“C’mon, it’s been months. You should get him out of your system.” Cathy retorted.

“I need to go to the washroom,” said Cheska.

Then she hurriedly ran to the right side of the park towards the parking lot.

“Have a nice night ma’am and thank you visiting Ayala malls…” said the parking attendant as she gave her the 20-peso bill.

She sped off along Pasay road and then a right on EDSA. Her phone rang. It was Nikki.

“Where’d you go? I though you said you were just going to the washroom?”

“I’m going to my Lolo's. I’ll be safe, don’t worry” Cheska answered back.

“OK, you better be careful. Call us when you get there. Bye Ches, love you,” said Nikki. Cheska then put her phone on ‘semi-silent’ mode.

“Fifty-seven pesos?! What? Dear God… Here!” the red and white gate raised and she sped up the dark two-way road of Sta. Rosa, Laguna.

On her radio, Good vibrations from the beach boys was playing. Her music is a far cry from what she really is feeling. She was speeding at ninety kilometers per hour, sometimes a hundred. Dodging the container vans and cargo trucks, she winds through the huge rolling coffins. The dancing Hawaiian girl on her dashboard moved from left to right.

“Tagaytay city 12kms” says one of the Jollibee signs.

Kadyo, the security guard opened the gate to Crosswinds subdivision when Franchesca pulled down her window, he gladly waved her in. Kadyo noticed that his Ma’am Chesca had puffy eyes and was not her jolly self.

Lolo Dad was waiting for her on the front yard with a rose in hand from his own garden. He wore his favorite brown suede jacket and US Army baseball cap. He had his hands behind his back and wore his familiar smile. This was a particularly cold night in Tagaytay city. She left the car on idle and ran towards Lolo Dad.

“There there Ches, Don’t worry baby, everything will be alright” Lolo Dad whispered to her.

She hugged him tight around the chest and the tears, which she has been holding back for the past eighty kilometers, finally rolled down her cheek.

“Why don’t we get ourselves a hot cup of Macchiato and Mocha Latte’ then lets talk about it over Ella?” he said next. “I’ll drive.”

He smiled when he saw Cheska wipe her tears with her sleeves. He missed seeing her cry. After their 8th birthday, they would stop crying and you’d think that they are always keeping something from you.

“Now tell me, I haven’t told anyone that you are here, even Mama and Papa, what happened?” he inquired.

“They all hate me!” She hissed.

“OK, let’s just get our drinks and you prepare what you have to say. I had Delia fix the second room on the right for you. You won’t be going home tonight, young lady. After our little talk, we will call your Papa and we will tell him where you are, ok?”

She nodded in reply. He smiled while gripping the steering wheel. Gin Blossoms was playing on her stereo, Lolo Dad does not know who Gin Blossoms is, nor does he know that Allison Road was the title of the song. Nevertheless, he still tapped on the steering wheel with his fingers and sometimes bobbed his head to the music. They parked in front of Starbucks and got in just before they flipped the sign on the door to “Sorry, we’re closed”. Inside, he admired the black and white pictures adorning the whole coffee shop.

to be continued...

Currently listening to: Cupid by 112
Currently feeling: nonchalant...haha